Ask Me About My Queerness
A couple of weeks ago I got into a Twitter discussion about using the word “queer.” Usually when people ask me why I describe myself as queer, I explain that because I’m neither male nor female, none of the words for sexual orientation that reference the subject’s gender apply to me. And that’s true, but it’s only part of why I like the word queer.
Queer is a term that is both descriptive and vague. It signals that I am probably involved in some way with gender or sexuality difference, and it’s noticeably different–because it’s not lesbian, gay, or bisexual, it leads to questions. I like that because queer doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone, and questions are a good thing. My sexuality and my gender are hard to sum up in a word. Queer sex and relationships generally don’t follow a recognized script–communication is mandatory because there’s nothing to use as a default. I can’t see how this is a bad thing.
So, if you want to know, you have no choice but to ask.